The 3 Essential Tips to Letting Go of Perfect & Setting Yourself Free

Perfectionism often gets a bad rap. It's frequently seen as the villain, the root of stress and anxiety, the burden we wish we could just get rid of. But here’s the thing: Perfectionism isn’t the villain it’s made out to be. In fact, perfectionism isn’t here to hurt you—it’s here to protect you.

Understanding Perfectionism

So what exactly is perfectionism?

Perfectionism = excessively high personal standards + overly critical self-assessment

Perfectionism grows from the following subconscious belief until it eventually becomes a fully formed set of armor meant to protect you from criticism, rejection, and abandonment.

“If I'm perfect, there will be nothing about me for people to criticize. Perfectionism saves me from rejection and abandonment. Being perfect is how I get acceptance and belonging."

Basically, Perfectionism is how your Rejection Wound protects itself.

Perfectionism’s Job

Once you understand that perfectionism is here to protect you from criticism and defend against rejection, you can decide whether you want to change it or keep it.

If you choose to change, your key goal becomes healing your Rejection Wound.

Because Perfectionism is here to protect your Rejection Wound, if you heal your Rejection Wound it no longer requires a bodyguard - and Perfectionism can finally take a much-needed break.

(And honestly, it's been such a workaholic, it's seriously overdue for a beach vacay!)

Steps to Healing Your Rejection Wound

I want to level-set with you. Don’t expect quick overnight results. Healing your Rejection Wound and letting go of perfectionism takes time, effort, and patience. This is not quick and easy work - but it is extremely worthwhile work.

To help you get started or continue on your journey, here are my three essential tips for letting go of perfect & setting yourself free:

1. Tolerating Uncomfortable Emotions

Avoiding uncomfortable emotions is what keeps us stuck in familiar patterns - including perfectionism. Learning to experience and process the thoughts and emotions you’ve been avoiding is crucial. This is what clears the space necessary for new experiences, expansion, and evolution to occur. (Note: This can be intense work! Consider seeking professional support from a therapist or coach who is specifically trained for this.)

2. Practicing Vulnerability with Safe People

Identify trusted individuals who are supportive and non-judgmental. Start sharing your honest thoughts and reactions with them bit by bit, gauging how much to share and with whom. As you begin to experience acceptance for who you are when you’re not performing, your instinct to self-censor will start diminishing. You’ll become more and more comfortable just being yourself - “flaws” and all!

3. Retraining Your Brain

Our brains are like parrots. The more they hear something, the more they repeat it - regardless of whether the information is accurate or not. This is why it’s so important to train your brain in the ways you want it to be thinking, instead of letting it flap around chaotically as it squawks inappropriate propositions at your guests. Start identifying when negative, self-critical thoughts pop up and offer your brain a more aligned belief that reinforces your worth and abilities.

TLDR

Perfectionism isn’t your enemy. It’s a protective mechanism that has been working overtime. Honestly, based on the hours its clocked, it’s your VIP Employee - and it’s really overdue for some PTO!

By healing your Rejection Wound and finding belonging with yourself and with safe people, you can set yourself free from the need to be perfect and give yourself permission to experience the beautifully rich, fulfilling, authentic life you deserve.

Next Steps

Stay tuned for future posts where we’ll dive deeper into these tips and how you can practice them!

And if you’re a Therapist, Healer, or Coach Entrepreneur ready to free yourself from perfectionism in business and life - book your free clarity call now and let’s talk!